Belly Dancer's Nightcap

It's You!

I wish I could send chocolate to everyone but for now I have to pick names. I decided last week to pick two instead of one so both of my boys could participate. So...

Jack picked...

Amy G.!

and Ian...

picked Natalia!

Yay!!! I'll send your treats pronto as soon as you email me an address:) Hope everyone out there is having a fabulous day and staying cool.

Got Chocolate?

To say I'm due for an update is an understatement, eh? I'm sure you realize that we've been trying to settle into our new life here in the States. But its a little more than that - there's been a little breach in my privacy here. I understand that I run that risk but it was very unwelcome along with this transition. I had begun to think that this place here I've created for four years needed a change anyway. So when that happens I will work hard to make sure all my faithful readers have access. In the meantime I'm giving away some chocolate and if you want to see photos from my recent trip to my parent's farm I'm posting them on Facebook.

I want to say thank you to everyone out there, for being such great friends and cheering me in my loneliness when I was so far away. One way I'm doing this is by having a little chocolate drawing...

CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!\

Yes folks, my husband just replenished my chocolate supply on his recent trip back to Germany and I'd like to send some your way. Leave me your name in a comment or email it to me. You don't even have to say anything - just a name to put in a bowl. I know how it feels to have little time or nothing much to say. You have two weeks. I'll pick a name on July 27th at Midnight and post the winner the next morning. Hugs to you all & an update soon!

Goodbye Little House

You were a good home. We sit in our neighborhood for the last time and I ask Jack if it's alright if a new family moves into our house. "No." he says..."No it's not." I can see him processing and he's talking his thoughts out with us. This age is so good - they roll with the changes - but still, we try to be gentle with these transitions. This is the only home Ian has ever known and its the only one so far that Jack will remember. But you know, it's time to go. Things are ship-bound and air-bound. The rooms in the house echo now and they are sad when we are there. I like to remember it full and happy. So I say my goodbyes quickly and I tell my boys about the next big adventure.

And the gypsy in me has been happy to have these experiences but is also happy to move on. We're ready to see your face...it's been a long time friend.

Magical Days...like gifts

Turned on to R.S. Thomas today by Abigail - on this raining-reading day in the gray reflection he is so welcome. So a poem for my boys today...they wake me with songs every morning, win most of my smiles, inspire me with new thoughts and views of the ordinary, they make everything light so that wherever we go we have their light to see by and they drive me just a little crazy. I am in awe of their little world and I miss it sometimes.

Children's Song

We live in our own world,
A world that is too small
For you to stoop and enter
Even on hands and knees,
The adult subterfuge.
And though you probe and pry
With analytic eye,
And eavesdrop all our talk
With an amused look,
You cannot find the centre
Where we dance, where we play,
Where life is still asleep
Under the closed flower,
Under the smooth shell
Of eggs in the cupped nest
That mock the faded blue
Of your remoter heaven.

R.S. Thomas

Lately we like singing Elizabeth Mitchell's Little bird, Little bird

"...little bird little bird fly through my window

little bird little bird fly through my window

little bird little bird fly through my window

and find molasses candy

fly through my window my sugar lump

fly through my window my sugar lump

and find molasses candy..."

Ian sings it like this...

"My Mo My Mo

My Canny"

Where we are now we look down from a fourth floor and see dozens and dozens of rabbits. I tell Jack stories of how the rabbits go down their holes to a cozy den where they all have tea. I draw pictures quickly for impatient brown eyes though I don't know how to draw animals or nature. When Erik gets home he tells us that their homes are called warrens and that they wouldn't dig straight down. I guess I watched too much Bugs Bunny. My husband and I are quite the pair:)

At night Erik plays hard with the boys. We eat. Jack says he can smell Erik cooking Puh-sketti. Sometimes Jack asks me for a bagel and I tell him that they are hamburger buns. "I want one of those ham-i-tores." Ian always wants "nana" (banana) or "CooCoo" (cookies). We hold hands and say many thanks for all our blessings. We sit back with the coffee and Jack smells Papa's breath as he reads to him - "I want some of Papa's chocolate."

We are sort of suspended in time - perched in an apartment that looks brand new out of the 80's. This is a pretty comfortable limbo and I'm grateful for the rest before the toddler-plane-adventure and the rushed transition. My sister asks me what its like this time and do I look out my window and see barbed wire? Last time they messed up and put is in the cramped dark quarters meant for single soldiers. There was nothing you could walk to and not even a small bit of beauty. The view out my window was a barbed wire fence and I remember crying a lot.

This time we are on a different post where there are things to walk to though we don't hang out here much. The blue clad apartment is spacious and the boys are happy driving their little tractors over every surface. The buildings around us are huge and meant to house masses of people. It's never been like that in our two years here and now its almost empty. Since they used to pack so many people in they put a huge playground in about every twenty feet. Jack thinks he went to heaven. They hardly looked used and are made by a company called Kompan from Denmark I believe. I like their stuff. I want the whimsical flower swing that I looked out my kitchen window at for two years. I love the red bird seesaw and the flower seesaw that seats four people in a circle. Ah, playground fun!

The days are slipping away as I play with the boys and my husband works hard to finish what needs to be done to get out of here. Very soon now there will be...

the last open market

the last view of children walking and speaking German loudly

the last cafe

the last cup of good European coffee

the last trip to the bakery for schnecke (snail-shaped pastry)

the last Sunday in Steinheim at our breakfast haunt

the last train ride to go on an adventure

and watching the last train disappear down the tracks

...at least for awhile.

Every time I see a train now I cry. Good tears. I'm glad its ending this way:)

"Don't even sink about it."

- said Jack to Ian, in regard to touching his meticulously ordered train scene.

At this moment I am sitting here having myself a tiny break with coffee. I would like to be a girl named Griet who lives in the Netherlands and has red braids crisscrossed over her head. Griet is sitting with tea on a grassy hill overlooking a stream that runs past her cottage where her two boys Jack and Ian are playing. Griet did not eat two much chocolate last winter so she is wearing a sundress with a light coat. Griet makes her own clothes and makes all their food from things she grows outside. What's that I see on the clothesline? Ah, a quilt Griet made last week. Most importantly Griet is not home-hunting, packing or doing laundry. No, the only thing Griet has to ponder is whether she should wear her striped knee socks or glitter tights to dinner at a friends. You'll notice she's not cooking either. If only...

This morning we were woken by the moving company. If it had only been me the doorbell would have been reduced to a Tinkerbell in my dreams. But Erik jumped out of bed and raced to greet the guy coming to do a pre-inspection of our things. Obviously since we were all in bed he was punching our bell much earlier than we were told. Not cool. The blueberry waffles and coffee certainly helped sooth a bad wake-up. Still...

I am agitated today. I can't say exactly why but I have a few hunches. The more I do around here the more I see how much there is to do. You might think I'm a wuss when I tell you that a moving company comes in and puts all of our stuff in boxes for us and takes it away. That's where we have things a bit easier that everyone else. However, I think the stress evens out a little with all of the insane and unreasonably complicated things the military has you do when moving. Poor Erik has the bulk of that responsibility. Here's where the packing work comes in for me. It makes things difficult if you are not organized and do not have things separated in a clear manner. You have to have certain things ready in a particular way too. Like your grill, gardening items, lawn mower etc. all have to be spanking clean. Things like that. So here's the deal. Like I said before when we came over here we planned to buy the bulk of our furniture. Things did not go as planned and it turned out that we did not want to pay more with the euro being high etc. So, I did not have anywhere to put numerous things so that one of our three bedrooms acted as a storage space to store boxes. I have to go into that kingdom of chaos and unpack every box and organize it. Because I was not organized enough last time the way all of our boxes were packed is horrendous. This also might be because our movers were smoking hash - and so I will open a box and find pottery wrapped in lingerie. Yeah. Another problem is that I can be a bit of a control freak with these things. I want things done a certain way and I want to make sure it happens. I don't want to get to the other side and find out things that cannot be replaced are broken because they were badly packed. And then there are those millions of tiny things to do that take forever all together. It's driving me crazy. I'm driving me crazy. Enough of that now.

Things around here have been pretty light up until now. We've been having fun and trying to enjoy our house and surroundings while we can. The other day while unpacking and packing I found our aprons. Mine are vintage ones that I love from my Grandma and mother in-law. I also found my husband's Barnie's employee apron before the days of Greyfriars where I fell for him. Of course we had to put them on and its a good thing I didn't find the wigs, boa and hats. There might have been a parade to scare our neighbors. I think we are weird enough already to them:)

Sometimes the boys actually play together and give us a little break.

When you have a big, little brother you can do things like this, no problem:)

In a few days now we'll be going back to how things were when we first arrived. We'll be in military lodging (bleh), there will be no phone contact, possibly no computer access and living out of suitcases. It's a bit different this time though: We have a car - I'm not a dazed pregnant woman who was expecting something that looks like Bavaria and instead has a view of tall barbed wire fence - and I'm looking forward to writing some letters when I want to talk. There will still be plenty that we have to do to get out of here but hopefully we'll get to ride one last train to Köln. Even if its just a stroll and a bit to eat with my family I'll be happy to soak up the last little bit of this adventure. Even if I can't be Griet.

March comes in like a lion

...and goes out like a lamb.

Yesterday was the first sighting of the lamb - warm and serene. The last few days I've mostly been watching the boys while Erik prepares things for the move. We'll be switching off because the boys are not at a stage where we can both work on things at the same time. Today I'm thankful for perspective and gratefulness. There is so much to be grateful. The boys are so refreshing every single day with their ways of expressing themselves, with the things they wish to share with us, and drawing us from the stress into their delightful world. The other day was simple and good. I can sum it up in three words...

Steinheim

- breakfast in our Sunday cafe and a walk around this lovely town.

Sand

- It's so strange the first time you don't have to go outside with a heavy or even light jacket on. You feel almost like a naked bird whose feathers fell off. After naps I took the boys out front - Dang, I'm going to miss the Square that's a few feet from our front door - to play in the sand. Ian really struggled with not putting rocks in his mouth - they're just so tempting. The sun felt great.

Sticky

- Since it was so close to dinner I thought we should walk downtown and get gelato. What? Did you mistake me for a grownup? It was Gooood:) I'm going to miss being able to walk to everything SO much.

Doesn't sound like a good combination but it was:) And at the end of the day warm baths, deep sleeping babies and a little time to rest and check on friends...

Say a prayer for sweet Thomas and his parents.

Goodnight.

Avoiding the Inevitable

From Yesterday

The whereabouts of the sun are the least of my worries. But my worries - they get put away so this Mama doesn't start feeling the anxiety. Why do moves stress me out so badly? So I look for coffee tables online and I rabbit trail all over and soon enough I'm picking out a nifty cooking apron even though I don't cook much. In my moments of productiveness I actually look for a house, an apartment, a condo...something. Then I get overwhelmed because there is so much and not many or any pictures of these places to live. Beyond the bad news the day was good for this cabin fever bunch. First we checked out the snow - played Pete the Pirate - we jumped on the bed and wrestled - after that we built a fort between the cribs - dressed wooden bears - the boys played together for 40 minutes chasing each other and laughing through the fort (the longest they've ever played together consecutively)...then Erik came home and I received the unwelcome news. We are leaving sooner than I thought and I'm not ready to leave. Don't get me wrong I want to see you guys but I hate to be rushed. Things keep changing but to make a long story short I just thought we would have more time - Ugh! Now it's hitting me - the stress, the wondering about the culture shock and thinking about camping in whatever place we find to live for up to 3 months while we wait for our stuff. Actually that's not a big deal, its just that all this is now becoming a reality and I'm holding onto this place that has become home to us by my fingernails. There is SO much to do and so little can be done with sweet but demanding toddlers. I need my Mom:( She's so good at organizing things and making things happen. Lord help us because I'm the Mom here.

I know Jack's upper attire is a tragedy - it's called, "Mama needs to do laundry."

After Erik and I talked and I started to feel that crushing weight I headed out to the happy grocery store. It makes me feel clean just to walk through those shiny organic aisles. Jack and I - we took our time. We walked around through this nasty weather with his big duck head umbrella from his sweet Grandma. We went to the Digger Cafe after shopping and Jack flirted a free giant sugar covered ball and Gummi bears out of the woman waiting on us. I got coffee and instead of heading home to cook dinner we went and sat by the window. I sat and stared and tried to think and process and wanted someone to bounce my reflections off of. I said to Jack something like, "Soon we won't live here anymore...we're going to fly home to the United States and we'll live in a new house." Jack turned to me, his eyelashes coated in sugar, and mumbled through the wad of donut in his mouth, "I think Jack needs another tweat." Not exactly the conversation I'd been wishing for, but it was good to sit and wander a little. When we arrived home Ian met Jack and I at the door visibly shaking. Erik told me it was because he missed me and wanted to be held but I knew better. I had a bakery bag in my hand and Ian can recognize any of these bags from various bakeries within a 50 mile radius.

Can you tell Ian's making car noises? And check out the drool - I think we're getting more teeth:)

From Today

Amen! The sun was in town:) We went to the Garten store today and we looked at fish, rabbits and birds for a long time. We also played with the new spring, sand vehicles and looked at twisty hoses for Mom. We bought wooden egg cups in the craft section to paint. Do they have wooden egg cups in craft stores in the States? I haven't been in one in a million years - I just remember the bags of eye balls I like. You can never have enough eye balls - Thanks again Kate:) After the ride in the electric car at check-out we hit the Digger Cafe. We got schnecke and we sat and watched the giant cranes lift thingys. It was waffle night and once again I've had too much coffee. Did I mention we're mixing decaf and regular now? Anyway, the movers come in one week and I feel like my head is going to fly off and go spinning down the block. Or maybe I just wish it would and then I wouldn't have to wade through my muddy thoughts. I've been trying to make a list of everything we need to do, pack etc and I can't finish it. I'm frozen. We have to have the bulk of all the big stuff ready that will go on the ship - then the stuff that will be flown over that we need more immediately (but it can't be much) and then our baggage that will go with us. I'm a horror at packing. It's not something anyone should have to witness. Pray for me. I'm not a worker-ant and I get overwhelmed by huge amounts of stuff everywhere. I'm the ant they find in the basement that escaped from the line and is sitting reading and eating part of a pastry crumb the other guys carried in. I'm doomed!

We all have our own lives and I miss everyone so much but the reality is that we have our own life we've established here. I sort of feel like I'm going to be floating on a block of ice in the middle of a cold sea keeping a lookout for home. Much as I love you all we don't have a home with you. We have to find and establish that all over again. Maybe things will go more smoothly than I'm thinking...I hope so. You'll have to be patient with me. I'm not used to being around a lot of people. We've pretty much only had acquaintances here. I'm used to being alone with my kids a lot. I'm really excited about rejoining community but I have a feeling that it will be overwhelming at first. Who knows? I've had coffee. And when I have coffee I talk a lot. I talk a lot about things that you think but don't say. You don't say them because they are really dull. So before this goes on too long I'll leave you with something pleasant...

Things I Checked Out Instead Of Packing

1* I recently received these adorable bookplates in the mail from Shelley at Oiseaux. I've been browsing more I want and it's hard to decide. You should stop by her shop! It's a book lover's delight:)

2* My sister Kelly photographed their time down at Seaside and did a lovely job of helping lure me away from Germany. I have so many wonderful memories of staying down there. I miss the beach!

3* Post Cards From Yo Mama - This was a gem...

Morning,

If you have some time today, please research whether the Lippizaner stallions appeared in the movie, Sound of Music. Dad swears he remembers them escaping from the Germans, or signing Do-Re-Mi, or something. Please let me know.

Love, Mom

4* Vintage Kid's Books My Kid Loves

5* I know I'm no cook but I want the accoutrements - Sssweet!

6* Looking for more out-of-print Dandelion Library books (noticing a theme here?) - I remember these from my childhood and loved them. They are hardbacks with a story on one side and then you flip it over and there is another story on the other side. I found these three on Bookmooch and they were in great shape:)

7* And lastly, Journey Mama says it best about moving today:)

Take it slow, Take it easy on me, Shed some light, Shed some light on things...

Got four hours of sleep last night so I'm going to bed. I wish for dreams of rowing under bridges. I wish for sun. I wish for my strange landlord to send somebody competent to fix the huge window in our bedroom for the fifth time, soon! I wish for the peace that has left me in the midst of impending move. Goodnight and sending hugs. I love you all but I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready just yet...

I think it's snowing again

We seem to be saying this a lot lately and I think I'll be wanting the warm sun soon. However, I want us to enjoy things as they are right now and so we fill our days with lots of imaginative play inside. The boys wanted their puffer jackets over there pajamas this morning and then they stood at the window and watched the morning snow.

In the late morning we were looking through the doctor kit and Jack with a very serious expression turned to Ian and put on the stethoscope. He gently unzipped his puffer vest and listened to his heart, while looking at the ceiling and sucking on his fingers. Ian stood stock still staring as if a superstar were touching him:)

This evening he asks...

Jack - Which place would I like to go? (After loading my rolling suitcase with Legos)

Erik - Are you going to Mombasa?

Me - Mombasa is in Africa.

Jack - I'm going to Bossah Africa.

Tonight the littlest bird in our bunch yelled,"Snow!" after it was dark and sure enough...Somehow he saw the big flakes coming down fast in the yard. And then tonight as I was singing them to sleep I couldn't help getting them out of there beds to sit in front of the window watching the giant flakes float slowly down. Children make moments like this even more magical:)

my little German

So we tried one of our souvenirs from Bavaria on Jack and it's still a bit on the largish side methinks. Ever since I came over here and saw how cute and practical the kinder lederhosen are I wanted some for the boys. Then I saw how expensive the entire outfit is and I tried to picture how much we would wear them. Those of you who know me from the past and present know that I wouldn't blink an eye at browsing in Borders with two little boys dressed in lederhosen alongside me. Costumes? I think not! :) Anyway, the little pants alone tend to be pretty highly priced and then you have to get the traditional shirt, socks and so on. We found a few good prices and picked up a pair though I'll have to figure out what age these are for. I'm dying to see Ian in it with the long socks on his chubby calves - he really looks German and can really pull it off. Jack can pull off just about anything in my book - pretty darn cute, even if they could fit three of him. Yes, that's an avocado he's holding but that's another story. More tomorrow on these last two weekends. We missed you all today:) Hugs!

Nip in the Air Doesn't Discourage Diaperwear

It's gotten bloody cold here all of the sudden. Actually it's snowing at the moment. I need to go to bed. I like watching from the darkness of our room as it falls in the glow of the lamppost. I think all of this chill calls for a pot of chili tomorrow and some serious reading with tea. We had thought of taking the train to Köln but I don't think that's going to happen this weekend. The thought of tramping about in the cold wind is not an appealing one. As you can tell from this morning's pictures our lovely German radiators keep our house toasty warm. Not too hot and not too nippy, so you can cook in your diapers if you like.

Five Years

In a little chapel in the Garden of the Gods

In the early years I remember talking with my husband about having another little wedding our family could attend on our fifth anniversary. Five years sounded so so far away. I pictured having a little boy who attended in a tiny kilt and bagpipers somehow mixed in there. Suddenly five years are here and four big brown eyes are staring up at us waiting for the evening's adventure. I no longer have the desire to have another wedding for family. I love our unconventional wedding story and our terrible wedding pictures taken with disposable cameras by members of my husband's platoon. It fits us and somehow it's what I always wanted. Our plans for the evening turned out to be running out during a break in the rain and sleet to duck into a very cozy and excellent Italian restaurant we love by Philipsruhe. Of course the evening included toddlers since we have no babysitter here. Actually we've never had a babysitter and it's something we'll have to ease into, but there is no one in our area we feel we know well enough. I liked being all together though...sort of. I mean, it started out that way and ended with that reaffirmation, but the middle was a bit rocky. Have you ever been out for a fancy, intimate dinner with toddlers? Some of you are saner than us:) We had quite a bit of tablecloth lifting, grabbing for wine glasses and silverware - we never could quite get it far enough away. The most tragic thing grabbed was Erik's precious espresso by Ian who had been flirting with our neighbors and then changed gears quick as lightening. The table got more than Erik did.

Ian begging for tiramisu by making loud puppy sounds:)

We talked about how we had never seen ourselves with two little boys on our fifth. We looked at each other and we looked at them and we knew how blessed we are. A belated toast goes out to my lovely friends - my Grandpa and Grandma - who celebrated theirs two days before us. Last year we all celebrated together in Germany and it was so nice. I would have even traded that heavenly tiramisu to have you guys again.

just a day

This is a little girl in our neighborhood who watches us but never smiles. At first it alarmed me when I would smile at children and they would stare back at me blankly. Now I'm used to it and not all children here do this and especially not if they know you. I like this girl. She is very comfortable in her own world, in her own company. I see her out swinging by herself all the time and she seems quite happy. In the summer she always wears handkerchiefs on her head. She is quiet, watchful and lovely. Today was the closest she has ever come to playing with us and Ian followed her around like a stray puppy. She seemed to like it:)

What? No nap? That's fine. We'll put you to work:)

Tired Boys. "I'm making room for Papa," Jack says after dinner and finding a cozy spot. They're old, snuggle buddies:)

Tractor Driving Farmers - Real & Pretend

Today's Quote

"I just want you to know that I came in the house to listen for the phone instead of feeding the chickens."

-Mom

In reference to me obsessively calling this morning and her having to put me off to drive kids to school and me teasing her about how we haven't talked in too long! After living most of my childhood in suburbia with her I never thought I'd hear those words come out of her mouth:) Sorry Chickens, I really wanted to talk to my Mom.

Back from Holiday - Up in the Loft - Nine days gone - So the toys are new again - Isn't Ian huge in the tractor trailer? - But he's still my baby - If you saw us together you'd know.

I didn't put Ian in the trailer. When I asked him if he wanted to drive the tractor he climbed into the back as if he knew his place as the younger brother and then Jack hopped up into the driver's seat.

Holiday Briefing

Just returned Tuesday evening. It was a marvelous holiday. The plans for this little trip changed shape many times for a variety of reasons - snow, sickness, etc. Due to how we felt going down (Jack, Ian and I) I sort of viewed the holiday at that point as "taking a cure" - not at a spa but merely resting at a lodge with a view of the mountains. And that's exactly what we did for a couple of days. My expectations were low and I was content so it was a nice surprise when we ended up doing a good deal more. I came back from our vacation as one should - feeling rested, happy and full of past adventures. This is merely an overview for family and friends who have no idea how we spent our week, since we didn't even know. Just a few pictures for now. You know me, I have trillions:)

I don't count driving days as vacation so in the end we had 7 full days of fun down in Bavaria. We stayed at a place called Edelweiss located in a beautiful town called Garmisch-Partenkirchen. I'm not usually one for military lodging but Edelweiss is lovely and not so hard on the pocketbook since the Euro is insanely high right now. If I could relocate my entire family I would love to live in this part of Germany for a long while. Here are our days...

Tuesday - Rest Day at the Lodge

Wednesday - Snow Day

Thursday - Zugspitze

The Zugspitze is the highest peak in Germany and one of the very best outings you can choose down there.

We are in a lift going back down and I'm taking a picture of another one headed down behind us - you can see Erik and Ian in the reflection.

Friday - Ettal and a certain woodshop selling wonderful things that my parents discovered when they went with us.

Ettal is an exquisite little town a very short drive away from the lodge.

One wall of the woodshop we love

Saturday - Innsbruck Austria

Austria completely charmed me. I loved walking around Innsbruck! When I stepped out onto the street I thought, Why is this so familiar? I realized later that part of that was from looking at Andy's photos. I can see now why my Grandparents raved about it:) It was one of my favorite days.

Sunday - Dachau and Munich City

Monday - Downtown Garmisch

Before Leaving

Last European Roadtrip

...for a little while, at least. As some of you out there know our tour was cut short for many reasons. So we'll be returning to the States in April - Yeah soon! Maybe we'll come back to Europe to live at some point but in any case I know we'll at least visit. I was really on board for staying here another year but I'm excited to come back to family and friends. We miss you guys:) I really need to send out a mass email with details and it's a must when we get back from vacation because I need your help with a couple things. In the meantime we are on vacation and we are going to REST before things get crazy. We are going to our favorite part of Germany where we can see the Alps, drink hot yummy beverages and see a few things, weather permitting. This is my fourth time down - the first time was last May, then in August with my parents and youngest sisters and then most recently with Amy and Gemma by train. We'll be gone for a little over a week. You know, when we first came here I had so many places I wanted to go and I was kind of in a focused frenzy. Then because of a lot of circumstances mainly having to do with the husband's job we weren't able to travel like we'd planned. Then I was really angry and frantic - I mean, that's why we came right? It took my husband almost getting sent to Afghanistan to give me the right perspective and to be grateful just to be with my little family. Of course I've got lots of traveling to do - I'm not giving up those dreams. But for now you know what? I'm really happy to have a little road trip...but mostly I'm excited to be with the ones I love.

Hanging out in the cozy lodge - which we might be doing plenty of since we're still on the road to recovery and it looks like we might have snow.

When we were down there with my little sisters:)

Can you believe how little Jack was the first time we went?

...and Ian too!

Down-time, after a full day, in our room - Amy, Gemma and the boys - from two weeks ago.

What Erik (the main music lover in the family) has to sometimes listen to on road trips. To all of those who knew the old Erik well - Times have changed:) Still have the old Erik and a pretty cool Papa too (who's patient with Raffi).

A video Amy shot of Jack doing one of his favorite things at the Lodge we stay at (silly teens talking in the background). I love these rocking chairs. They are super heavy, awful dang sturdy and super cute:)

See you in a week!

On the Road

...to recovery. Lots of sleep for me last night seemed to do the trick. Ian did not sleep most of the night which meant Jack did not either. This is how he came to sleep amidst his lunch:(

If you are sick with the Flu two of the many things I recommend are...

Sambucol - Great stuff and it tastes good:)

Badger Baby Balm - To put on your sore nose:) We use it for tons of things!

On Today's Agenda

3 am - Poor sleeping husband gets a duty call

6:50 - Wake to Ian Screaming

8 - Amen for coffee & Oh Yay! Erik left us a giant strawberry danish

9 - Boys in a tizzy/playing/getting dressed

10 - Mad scramble to pick up trashed house while trying to keep boys from fighting over toys and crying for me

11 - Acute humiliation (Will explain in a minute)

11:40 - Another cup of coffee to help process humiliation while I sit down to play new wooden game with the boys

12:30 - Jack falls asleep in sandwich

NAPS

1:40 - Husband comes home TIRED and talkative (which I love - the talkative part that is).

2:30 - I run to the German grocery store to get supplies for our vacation & stop by the bakery for big, bread bunnies

4 - Walk downtown to the Apotheke to look for Sambucol but nothing is open - I shouda known - Saturday in Germany!

4:40 - Hanging out with the boys and the tired Papa

5 - Bunny Brötchen snack

6 - easy dinner for boys - organic chicken fingers, french fries & grapes on the side.

7 - Playing kitchen/Winding down with The Smith's Asleep/Pajamas

8 - Bed

9 - Me with this and this and a lot of laundry to do.

This is a fun game from Chelona with colorful wooden pieces - we bought it over here but you can find it online.

My Grandparents got the boys this lovely bus with people from Ten Thousand Villages:) We love it!

Boys are so messy when they cook!

Yesterday was my worst sick day but today was like coming alive again - except for the embarrassing portion. You see, back when Amy was here the housing people called us to say that our landlord's son wanted to pop by to take some measurements around the house because he might live here after us. I changed the date for him to come for after Amy left and promptly forgot about it. Then I remembered the day before when I felt like I was on my death bed. So the husband and I made a plan that, the day of, one of us would keep the sick children happy while the other one scrambled around making things presentable. Unfortunately, my poor husband was called into work at three in the morning - the nature of his job. So this left me scrambling with unhappy sick boys and not accomplishing enough. I was told it was just the son coming but no - it was the son, his lovely wife and baby, 2 smartly dressed architects and the landlord's husband. Oh dear me. I had prepared a note in German apologizing for the state of our house and explaining that we had had the Flu for three weeks. I know I shouldn't care so much but I do. I don't like strangers picking through and scrutinizing our personal living space. My home is my refuge and I value my privacy. It felt like someone was walking through my journal and taking a look at my thoughts. The three of us looked like sad rabbits in the glare of headlights sitting there blinking. It is over though and I think I will write the wife to tell her what a wonderful place this is to live with children.

The better parts of the day were spent resting, playing and enjoying the immense sun. Thank you God for our health and that warmth.

Slowly Uphill

Exploring a neighboring village with Amy and Gemma

Today has been like going uphill all day long with screaming in my ears. It's a weary subject, this business of being sick. There are so many people who are sick out there right now and we are normally very healthy so I'm not going to complain...too much. How do kids know when to behave their worst when you are low low?

Photo taken by Amy who sat with Jack and was very sweet to my boy:)

I know, all the train pictures. Maybe in my fever-fried brain they are symbolic for life rushing by while we quietly read or for stepping off the train for awhile in our sick state. We aren't caught up in the rush really anyway. I have my own pace in this life and it is slow and that's how I like it. I hate to be rushed. I don't like my day FULL. That's just me. Sometimes FULL is unavoidable and I can do it when I have to. I love it when things like lots of snow cancel school and everything and people are forced to slow down. I think I've been given the luxury of this pace I love for a long time. It makes me wonder if that will change and if coming back to the States will make a big difference. I think of all the things I've been missing, all the things I want to show my children, all the traveling I want to do. Then I think about how I want to be careful not to put too much on our plate so that we have time to sit still, watch, think and be. Tonight my prayers go out to the sick and all of those diligent folks out there who are working hard in that rush. Goodnight.

Just Enough

ChillsFeverEverythingHurtsHeadUghhSkinHurtsCan'tThinkLetMeTryNopeCan'tThinkGodHelpMe

There is no energy left - not one drop. One of the hard things about being a parent is that when you are sick you are usually still taking care of little people. I want to go home and crawl under my Mom's quilts and have her sit and talk to me with tea. But you know I love this little family that is all mine all mine and my sweet wee ones and my best friend who comes home every day, every single day, happy to see us. He celebrates us and when we miss him all day what a perfect ending, eh? God gave me just enough energy to get through this day. Thanks be to God.

Monumental for Us

We are now crawling along through the third week of what I can only imagine, at this point, must be the Flu. Our children have not slept through the night for 18 nights now and they are great sleepers so we are weary. Amy's visit took the sick blues away but I'm beginning to wonder when this is going to end. Like I've said we are NEVER sick:( I'm not going to bore you with details and doctor's visits - just please pray for us! I started getting sick Amy and I's last night in Bavaria and Erik was very ill soon after. Both of us keep think we are getting better and then we plummet again. I'm doing better than he is - I would have been one of those girls in the olden days that a dude spotted under a tree and he would say, "Hey Almanzo, check out that sturdy lookin one over there - looks like she'll last awhile." Mostly we're concerned for our children who are very sad and do not seem to be improving much at all. And this is lower on our list of concerns but we are supposed to be taking our last vacation here in Germany starting Monday. It would be so lovely to be well by then and enjoy some stress free time in a beautiful place with my husband. So tonight I am posting a picture of two happy someones we miss. Thank goodness for all of you out there:)

That pouty lip just kills me:) Gemma is gorgeous in pictures but in person she is irresistible!

The Parting

On a train in Munich

Someone laden with a fairy baby and presents is flying home to her sweet husband and children. 7 in the morning and the bustle of kids and the coffee and not quite awake. A little time with the tiny Gemma who I've grown quite attached to. Amy is having some eggs and checking her gear. It goes really fast you know. My heart is happy that she could come and I'm not going to cry because I'll be back in the vicinity of sisters soon. But then I do cry hours later on the way to a neighboring village. My husband has just called me from our cafe. He went on a walk with the boys and ended up there and so I'm going to meet them for a late breakfast. I think about how hard it has been to break away and live so far away from my family and establish this other world with my own little family. It's been good and I love this foundation that has come through this time apart. But having my sister here was what my soul needed and my niece is very dear. Say a little prayer for Amy and her extremely long journey. She is flying the nine hour flight from Germany to the States and then still has two more connections. I get a bit confused with the time change but I think it's about a fifteen hour adventure.

So goodbye to Amy and Gemma and thank you to her little family who gave her up and missed her. We will miss you here.

Riding the Rails

It's always a very interesting outcome for me when dealing with the unknown. Anything that was bad at the time usually ends up making a humorous tale and those movie moments seem to color the whole memory for me in the end. We rode the ICE and lots of regional trains - there was the good, sad and funny/bad. I'm glad we went. I will never forget those adventures with my sister and our entourage of children. Amy is the perfect traveling companion. She is laid back and has a great sense of humor about anything going on. I find her calm and optimistic outlook very comforting. Since I am now currently sick with what my children have and we are still losing sleep because they are waking all night, this will be brief for now. More pictures and stories from both Amy and I soon. Jack was in heaven finally getting to ride the ICE. I love my boy and his train delight:)

happiness

Ice Ice Baby

This entry is for Amy's sweet kids. Here are some videos of one of the trains we will ride tomorrow called an ICE. Amy, Gemma, the boys and I are riding trains toward a mini vacation. We'll ride some red regional trains and most exciting of all, the fastest train in Germany, the ICE. Jack is thrilled because it is his favorite and the one we have yet to ride.

"Ezra, Asa, Marlow and Eliot (who wants to go to the airport now so he can come with us) - I wish you could come with us. We promise to take lots of pictures and videos and perhaps find some presents:) We'll be back Wednesday. Hugs to you!"

Sister Express Delivery

I know, I've been falling behind again. The boys have been and are sick. My boys are strong and healthy but these things hit us hard. We are never sick. I can count on one hand the times Jack has been sick and at almost 18 months this is only the second time Ian's been sick. We are coping well enough and I'm just praying their misery goes away soon for their sake and so we can all have a great visit with Amy and Gemma.

When I go to bed tonight Amy will be out there somewhere flying with her baby that I've never met to come see me. You have no idea how happy I am that she can come. It has been almost two years since I've seen her. I just called her and she was putting together little Valentines and a package for her family. What a great Mom:)

I'd like to thank Amy's in-laws for helping make this happen. They'll be helping out with caring for the four children left behind. "Thank You, David and Mary!" And if you think of it say a little prayer for Amy on her long flight to Germany with a baby on her lap the whole way. She hasn't flown since she was 17! Things have changed a bit since then, eh? I really hope she has a nice flight with good movies, plenty of tea refills, help with Gemma when needed, kindly folks next to her and those nice hot towels soaked in Lavender that they bring you before bed and in the morning. If I hadn't been squished between a car seat and a largish pastor from France plus eight months pregnant I might have thought I was at the spa with a crowd of people when I flew over:)

Who needs TV? (We don't have it) Jack pausing mid-play to listen to Peter and the Wolf:)

The Falconer - For Pops

On post (base) today getting taxes done and picking up our mail when we saw this guy. A friendly, quiet German man walking around in his wintry lederhosen with his falcon, dog and ferrets. He was getting a few rabbits from the overly populated area and it was fascinating to watch. Not that I wanted to (or could) get up close, mind you. The ferret would get the rabbits out of their holes and the falcon caught them. The falcon would get a bit of the rabbit and the rest went in the man's pouch. Tasty, eh? In this picture he is laughing at me - the crazy American who has stopped to ask permission for a photo. He turned from laughing to keep on eye on his falcon and he's holding one of his ferrets and has the other in that carrier. I didn't see the dog until we were just driving away but a quick glance looked like some kind of Irish Wolfhound/Great Dane. I am not against hunting as long as it's for eating and it's not endangered. This seemed like a mighty cool way to go about it.

For the One and Only

I have memories of Carson as a toddler doing the most strangely wonderful things. I wish I had written them all down because we would all laugh, shake our heads and wonder where this baby had come from. Sometimes when they were all really little I would be driving them to the library or someplace and Carson was always the one who couldn't hear you. She wasn't pretending as she looked out the window - she had completely disappeared into her own world. To this day our Carson quotes are some of our best. She has such a unique and beautiful take on the world that it's truly fascinating to talk to her. I was telling my Mom this morning that we need to get our Carson quotes all written down and then my Mom told me that Carson has been writing her own little books. "Oh, that's even better!" I said - to have some of that girl's thoughts in the form of stories! Fabulous.

On the train going to Frankfurt - in her own lovely world.

An old favorite of mine.

Being a good Auntie

Today is Tarty Boo's birthday. I love so many things about this girl like her laugh (it's so great!), her unashamed honesty, how she looks out for people, her daydreaming face, her art in all forms, the way she gets into playing sports, the way she is with us sisters, her relationship with our Pops (truly beautiful), her imagination, her reverence for the spiritual, her tangible relationship with God ("I'm his best friend.") A month or so ago my Mom was driving past a graveyard with some nephews and my younger sisters and they were talking about death and the end of days and such. One of the nephews asked why we don't know when God is coming back and my Mom said something to the effect of - You can't know, no one knows. Then Carson said, "Well, why doesn't someone send him an invitation?"

Before leaving for Frankfurt that day Carson had found a sling for a broken arm from our old fashion play doctor's kit. That day it was worn in countless forms - a turban, a shawl, a nun-like headdress and so on.

Having a chat with Dad (Pops) in a gelato shop in Germany

Happy Happy Birthday Carson! I love you sweet girl. I look forward to seeing your face that will tell me of adventures I dearly miss. You are a breath of fresh air my dear.

I'm Olive, King of the Buttons!

cold, rainy days with sun here and there

I've got fifteen minutes to write something and then I've got to work on my house while my kids sleep. First, thank you all so much for the thoughts and prayers after my little tumble. I recovered much faster than I thought I would judging from the pain the first three days. I don't want to fall again or watch my husband have to do everything but I'll have to say that it was good to have that time to reflect. I spent a lot of time thinking about the folks I know out there who are currently living with chronic pain. If we even remotely know each other and I know you're struggling with this, know that I prayed for you. I really needed that bit of time slowed down to ponder things I normally wouldn't give enough attention to. I'm pretty much back to my old clumsy self and not wearing slippery socks or taking my eyes of the stairs. I've gotten backed up on emailing again so I'm looking forward to writing you because I really enjoy it.

These days can be really challenging depending on when I go to bed and my outlook. Jack and Ian are defiant in their own ways and testing me. Frankly, I often don't know what to do and I frantically read my growing collection of books to see how to bring out the best in them and gently show them how to handle their frustrations in positive ways. I never envisioned this part of being a Mother. I wish I could just laugh at Jack throwing a sandwich at Ian's head but next time it might be a heavy block. I'm used to being the fun/crazy Aunt or babysitter and this stuff is new and stressful to me. In my worst moments I'm used to having my fun with children and then going home and I wish someone would give me my money and let me leave. Yeah, I just said that. More on all that another time.

Some days are like this all day - Ugh!

Today has been good. Not that there haven't been any tantrums but I really feel God's presence in my time with them. It's funny how all the toys in the world aren't even close to as good as a train ticket made out of cardboard and boarding the train (couch) all afternoon. Then again my best memories as a child do not include toys and happened when my imagination was in full swing. After a lovely walk to the market today Jack and I read out of his giant German board books. Then we made a house out of them. We have a special time together during the first part of Ian's nap because Ian only lasts for so long. I've been entertaining myself by asking Jack about things that Erik taught him from Monty Python and such. One of the answers is supposed to be, "I'm Arthur, King of the Britains." but Jacks says, "I'm Olive, King of the buttons!" I love it:) Ok, time to get going on my trashed house.

More to come on...

My Sister Carson turning 11 today! She is so darn cool:) (I'll be posting on her tonight)

A quickie on my funny German emergency room experience.

Amy comes in one week!!!

Our big move back to the States and what's going on with our early return.

A prize drawing for all my readers before I leave Europe. First, I have some procrastinated packages to wrap up before leaving and I'm looking forward to it because I love sending fun things in the mail. Then, the drawing - I wish I could get everyone something but since I can't I'm going to have a prize entry for a couple little things:)

Christmas - like leaving up the tree until Summer. What is wrong with me? Obviously I'm going to have to turn my Christmas cards into Spring cards. Oh well. I have to move on and keep moving or I'll be a bit more crazy than we (my friends in the attic ) already are.

And plenty more - I'm so backed up I'll never run out of things to tell you.

Ciao Y'all.

In the loft - always with the fingers:)

Not Enough Padding Apparently

Yesterday, for the first time Jack had the opportunity to comfort me with singing songs like I have always done for him. Around 11am I fell down eight of our stairs and hit my back and tailbone and had to go to the German emergency room. X-rays say I am very bruised on the inside but show no fractures for now. I'm in a lot of pain but I'm doing well. Please say a little prayer that I'm able to take care of my children soon so my husband can go back to work. Humorous/Sad/Melodramatic story to follow as soon as I can sit down.

Visiting with the Past

Out at my parent's farm - Erik and Grandma doing pre-dinner prep.

Looking through some old photos tonight. Here are a random bunch from the past that evoke good memories.

He was the first one to make me an Aunt. Just look at that little face:) I can't believe how old he is!

I loved that old loft apartment that was our first home. Lots of memories sitting on the back porch cooking on our tiny grill.

Amy & Marlow

A tiny Moriah out at the farm at dusk - look at those eyes!

Ezra & a very new Marlow

The last three always game for a bit of masked croquet!

Nostalgic

While I love all photos of my sweet boy this one pulls me in because of the memory. This was taken during the weeks my parents and little sisters were here. We were all on our way down to a beautiful part of Bavaria. German rest stops are the best. They aren't trashy, the bathrooms are spotless (you go through a turnstile and pay 50 cents and then get your money back in the form of a coupon that can be used at rest stops), they have a nice sitting area inside and outside and the food is great. I know its silly but this and the fact that their are no billboards on the highways pleases me greatly. So we had stopped for lunch and decided to make it quick. We were standing around eating food from the restaurant and tasty things from our cooler. The feeling I get from this picture is this...

I love how Jack has to carefully explore everything. He notices every little detail just like his father and he wants to know how everything works. This little bird inside me flutters when I see him intently studying something.

In a few minutes my Mom will come and pick Jack up and take him to look at a giant bulldozer parked nearby. That combo and my Mom with so many male grandchildren to indulge in boy things after all her girls is fun to watch.

I'm experiencing my family and they are experiencing us. I'm not trying to relay an event or feeling across the phone, we are together. This is something that has become so foreign to me. The sight of my parents holding my children made me overwhelmingly happy.

This was a good trip. The entire visit was lovely but this was such a fun part of that. I look at this picture and I know what is coming.

There is my Whole Foods bag from the States - one of my many loved natural groceries (because I love and support the little guys too!). There is HIPP, a German brand, which I've used in various forms for my children for almost two years. Feeling a little nostalgic about things here in Germany. I'll be explaining why soon. And there is Summer which sounds pretty good this week.

Homeland Insanity

My very own little homeland security. Guarded = Blue, Elevated = Yellow, High = Orange, Severe = Red

I've begun to consider the possibility that my boys might be scooting their cribs together at night and conspiring to destroy any bit of sanity I have left. Books don't seem to get it right and often there are no words for what we've become at the end of the day. I'm lucky I can even write at this point.

Last night perhaps? ...

Jack: Ok, here's how it's going to go down. Mama still thinks you can't talk so once we get in the Digger Cafe tomorrow just scream. When you see the food do the really high pitched one.

Ian: What are you going to do?

Jack: I'm going to start grabbing things off the shelves as fast as I can!

Ian: Oh fun! I love it when she gets flustered and has trouble ordering in German.

Today's lunch from the cafe. Distracted by impending disaster I didn't read the label and thought it was tapioca. Bummer:(

Lord help me. I mean, really...Lord help me. I wasn't sane enough to begin with. We have really good days but this age with two so close but at completely different stages can be awful. It all seemed to culminate today - one day after another of the bad sort of toddler business. I realized that no matter what we're doing there is pretty much never any silence for my brain to rest for even a minute. Screaming, Whining, Repeating...on and on and on.

I was packing away the Star Wars fighter thingy but Jack accidently saw it. He's too young for it but apparently now it's "my plane that makes Krrr noise Mama!"

People let me tell you something...It is not natural for anyone to have to talk, entertain, be engaged, sing, answer questions and acknowledge this much. I am very relational but I fear this star is burned out. And the tantrums - they are new and guaranteed and I feel despair much of the time. Today it felt like finally too much. Not the normal too much and then you go to bed and start over. I felt myself shutting down. I got on the phone with sisters and the Mom during a nap, after they went to bed and a little during, to help talk me down off the edge where I was looking for my brain. Once we got off the anxiety train we were able to be angry and vent and cry and then laugh. I will pick myself up and I will go get some sleep and I will find my way. But no Pollyanna words tonight baby. If you've had the same day as me that kind of jazz might make you want to hurl too. Some days are just in the red. The mean reds.

weekend thrifting, sun-lounging & noshing

Slowish, relaxing weekend doing our thing. There was sun and we spent time outside. I pined a little for my family - part of whom was gathered at Amy's. (Check out her video of how real life is beyond the lovely photos. My favorite part is the zoom on little Marlow's concerned face watching a heated disagreement between Asa and Carson.) I finished Wonderfalls - fun, fun - thanks Amy! We did our usual at the cafe in the neighboring village. We love that people can bring their dogs in - not something you really see in the States. It's totally clean and cozy with all of these pleasant dogs sitting under tables or to Jack's delight, lounging in a handbag. I did some thrifting at the German shop alone and found a few fun things. So we're back to Monday and actually I'm in Tuesday now...Goodnight!

Watching and touching the ladybug-like insects

It's kind of an eyesore but it was free. There was no way I was going to buy one over here - they're so much more expensive. The most important thing is that Jack loves it:)

The mornings we're not at the cafe

My children love raisins. I marvel at this because I hated them so much. My earliest memories are of smashing them and I would pretend they were roach families.

A little late-night cooking for Papa:)

A Star Wars cruiser?, a wooden box of clothes & heads for a bear, puzzle, Haba game, fairytale pop-up book and wooden cascade toy.

The wooden cascade toy is great because Jack can easily do it and the boys will watch it over and over. There's another auto for it that's not in the pictures.

I also found this A,B,C rack with German words. They had the exact same one in the waiting room at the doctor's office I had my pregnancy appointments at. Jack would play with it and I remember wanting one.

This Indians-on-horses spinning top I found was a tad beat up but toddlers will be using it so it's perfect.

Bergitta & Onion

Today in the early morning, before I even remembered, I was reflecting on my sense of home. I thought of my Mother because I was looking at Bergitta and Anje in the shopping cart. I woke thinking of what my little family is and what I want it to be. This strong pull toward the center of all that I love comes from my early knowing of home. I listened to Jack who often resorts to calling his small pals Bergitta and Onion. My Mom made them along with some scarves and other things for Christmas. Jack and I named them.

I think of my Mom sitting in her cabin sewing these creatures for my boys. The cashmere Onion has a little silk tag from my Mother's childhood - her name that my Grandmother would sew into her clothes. She only has a few left and when I see her maiden name it reminds me of who she is apart from being a Mother to me.

It's not the gifts themselves that mean so much - it's the time she puts into each of us. Beyond that it's the special delight and singular joy she has for each of her children - her many children.

There is so much I can say about my Mother. We have come a long way together and I have been with her for a good portion of her life. I am grateful for this Mother that is also a best friend. I'm immensly excited to see what this year holds for her. I have watched her change and grow moving out to the country and so much has come out of that and effected everyone around her. I know change is coming and more growth. It's very real to me through her and I marvel and the things I've seen and heard.

Most of all, is this thing that seems so small but I keep coming back to it - she reads her bible every day. I hear it on the phone when I interrupt it. I see it when I go home. Most of all I have witnessed something incredible in her since it became a consistent thing. It's reminds me of what I want, it shows me how real this seemingly small thing is and I know that I want my children to see this in me also.

We wear our scarves a lot lately. I tell Jack to go pick a scarf for himself and he smiles when I wrap it around him. You know what I love most about them? When I put mine on there is the faintest scent of my Mother. Sometimes it makes me tear up. It gives me back the Mother that I miss - this Mother who gave me home.

Happy Birthday Mom

Amy's post from this past weekend where my Mom spent her birthday

the new Ian

So today was a day to walk downtown and get haircuts. I have never once taken for granted that we can walk to everything we need here. It means a lot because I appreciate these sorts of things and I know it won't always be this way. Ian did really well and only started pushing away her hand the last five minutes. This earned him the hair duster and he busied himself with cleaning. Ian does not like to have his face wiped or hair touched so I was surprised he was so calm. I think it was the car and new surroundings. I'm happy he can see but it will take me a little while to get used to it. It's not the same as Jack's first cut because Ian still has such a baby face. The haircut seems to old for him but he is cute. After the boys haircuts we walked to the bakery and got Rosinenbrötchen. Then we wandered over to the playground and got some swinging in. Good times were had by all. Quality of photos is suffering a bit these days because I broke a lense on the camera I normally use. Hopefully the post will bring it a bit faster than normal:) Well, it's time for pasta and a Bond movie. Ciao!

The Last Days of Janet

Just so you know, I don't dress my boy up and call him Janet or anything - it's an old joke. Ian likes to get the nurse apron out of the doctor kit and put it on sometimes. Usually part of it is just slung over a shoulder and he moves on to play with something else. It's really funny to watch him adorn himself in one way or another and then go and work at something with a serious concentration. Kids are marvelous. So, I'm heading to bed and wanted to let you know I have to get my baby's dandelion puff cut off tomorrow. I have trouble parting with the baby hair if you couldn't tell. Ian can't see so I guess that's a problem. I don't really want him to grow up thinking the world around him is blurred by stalks of corn. So tomorrow we walk down to the Haar studio to get the boys trimmed up. I hope Ian sits still. He's not my calm boy. Jack is pumped - he loves that car:) I am sad because I like the way he stares through his hair. You'd just have to be here because it looks scruffy on film and so fluffy and blow-away sweet in person. I'm excited too because he'll look completely different. I'll show you tomorrow. Goodnight!

Desperate Times (for the afternoon plane going down)

Dear Gypsy,

You were wondering why you're so tired today and I think I have an answer for you. Don't be angry - It's because you didn't cheat today. Yeah, we know about it. Don't worry, it's ok. All you had was one cup of espresso or coffee a day this last week. We saw what you looked like beforehand so we were kind of rooting for you. So you've fallen off the wagon a little:) But hey, we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't tell you that this probably isn't the best way to get back your natural energy. You're on your way back to a pot a day baby! Alright, now that we've done our thingy I think we should all go to bed. I know how you dislike these sorts of talks. Just to make it up to you I'll still be in bed when you hit the Digger Cafe tomorrow morning with the boys. Get a large one for the both of us, alright? Alright. See you soon, as always.

Warm Regards,

Your Conscience (s)

Wo ist die Sonne?

Where is the sun?

You know, I enjoy those overcast days for reading and drinking something hot starting with a C or a T. A walk is good also, for looking at everything through a sharpened vision because the sun is not blinding you and the rain revived what had become common. But a sea of gray is not for me, and I've begun to appreciate the sun again - to dream of Colorado's sun.

Friday was a gift for two small boys waiting for color. If you woke up and looked through those windows that open out toward the sky you would see blue. Maybe the morning had a slow start and you felt an itch in your bones to get out. You knew that sun would be gone soon. This day, you would mostly remember images of running, small teeth smiling and sun on hair. You would walk the long way to the river - boots hitting cobblestone streets, watching the bikers and the garbage truck with a crane empty the glass bottles, the smell of the bakery and the dampness in the narrow lanes leading down to the water. You wait for the bells beneath the tower. You explore the puddles with a stick, watch the crew boats, a train going over the bridge and the ducks and geese running wild. You skip home with the stick you found. You pet a neighbors dog and speak two languages at once. You won't give up the muddy walking stick at the door. You ring your own bell three times - always three times. As you cross back over into warmth and routine your mind is happy and the blue is already fading behind you.

I cannot begin to imagine what my boys are thinking. I can only watch and be grateful for these very simple and pure moments. Our moments stretch and expand to make up an everyday that is not broken up by the artificial sadness. That is how it is here. You do not see any billboards on the highway - only fields, villages and the occasional castle. People are not flaunting brands or possessions - there seems to be no emphasis on something that matters so little. There is so much natural beauty to explore and any direction you choose promises a rousing adventure. It's hard for me to remember anything but this. At times I feel like the boys have always been here and we have always been in this place. I live so fully in the now.

Today there was no sun. All day long it appeared that the day was just about to end. So we got outside and went somewhere new. It was cold and we couldn't find a cafe we liked. I was starving and thinking of my coffee. We finally ducked in somewhere cozy and had a delicious breakfast. It was a very German breakfast with hot, strong coffee, croissants and bread rolls, jams and honey, salami, cheese, hard boiled eggs in egg cups and juice in champagne glasses. Erik and I toasted to real coffee. We explored the city with its castle and half-timbered houses. The frog is the town symbol so you see them everywhere. According to the legend, 500 years ago a new countess refused to consummate her marriage because of the sound coming from the frogs outside her window. That set off a wild night of frog-catching by the entire town. The frog statues are in honor of that night. They reminded me of the painted cows in Bavaria. Germany is delightful. What do I want to dream about tonight? Perhaps my boys running and shouting with happiness because there is a tractor crossing our path. Anything ordinary like that.

A Few Winter, German Lovelies

Of all the countries in Europe Germany was probably the one I knew the least about. Over the last almost-two years I've discovered many treasures I will take home with me and even more that I will have to leave behind. The holidays here provide the ideal time to gather souvenirs at a very low price. Before I came here, when I thought of souvenirs, things like Steins and Lederhosen came to mind. Here are a few typical things that Germany produces that I love...

Wooden Spring Toys

I really don't know what to call these little guys but some that I've found online are called things like "mobile spring toys" and "German woody jumpers." I'm not sure what I will even do with them but for some reason I like them. I've mainly seen them at the Christmas markets but I also spotted them in a woodshop in Bavaria. If the spring gets ruined then I figure I still have a nice, little wooden animal or person.

Smokers

The chubbies and the woodland ones are my favorites. I'm not really into collecting things but I wouldn't mind having a few of these guys around. For now I picked up two cheap ones from the market to use with Jack. They smell good and he likes taking the body apart, putting the incense cone inside and watching the smoke spiral out of the mouth. Nifty little creatures and we like incense around here.

Christmas Pyramids

Most of you probably know of these. I have never had one and I didn't know they were made in Germany. I love them and I'm definitely bringing one home. I want to fit it in with the Christmas traditions we're slowly thinking up. From what I've seen online they are crazy expensive but I've seen a lot of low priced ones. These fall into the category of things that I would like to look nice but don't have to be the best. When things that can be easily damaged (especially where toddlers abound) are costly it's hard to really enjoy them. I'm like a little kid - I think it's so cool that the heat from the candles make the propellers spin:)

Zwillinge

For a long time now people have been asking me if the boys are twins. They usually asked this when Jack and Ian were in the double stroller together. These days they really do look like twins and are close to being the same size. I think they'll play really well together once Ian gets out of his smash, rip, then eat the spoils phase and when he speaks our language. He loudly and enthusiastically rambles on in something the birds might speak.

Today we had cabin fever and though we go on walks it's usually too cold to play. Today we didn't care. We tromped out to the square and the boys rode their cars together. Ian ate some sand and decided it wasn't for him and had me brush off his hands every time he touched it after that. These are the dark, gray days, one after another, that threaten our moods. I miss the sun. This year I look forward to Spring, more than ever, and all the new change it brings.

This is my sometimes solemn child. He was really happy but every time I snapped a picture I got the watchful expressions. I love that boy:)

"It's the Most Wonderful Burrito of the Year"

Ryan & Katie with my adorable nephews Mason and Gage

My brother in-law Ryan may have started a new Christmas tradition. I missed out on this but Katie and Ryan were kind enough to tape it. Before heading up to North Carolina to spend it at my parents house Ryan turned a bunch of Christmas carols into mad libs. I thought this was a fabulous idea - how fun! Lots of my siblings traveled out to the farm at different times this holiday. When they played it was my parents, brother Grant, little sisters, Katie and Ryan there. They split up into twos and then sang them for everyone. Below are the results. Enjoy:) (Disclaimer: Wacky moods abound and the lyrics are not for those who mind phrases like "blowing chunks" etc.)

tractor rides!

Mom & Ryan performing -

It's the Most Wonderful Burrito of the Year &

Frosty the Blimp Man

Pops & Bailey performing -

Jimmy Johnson the Red-nosed German &

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Pancakes

Katie & Marley performing -

Rockin' Around the St.Patrick's Palm Tree &

Grandma Got Run Over by a Lemur

Grant & Carson performing -

12 Days of Christmas &

Up on the Housetop

Bailey and Carson with Gage and Mason

Carson received a violin for Christmas and is taking lessons with Pops

Grant and Gage

Ryan, Grant, Mom, Mason, Gage, Marley, Carson and Bailey

Grandma and Gage

Pops and the girls

Mom with Marley, Carson, Moriah, Maddie, Mason and Gage

Mom, Katie, Mason and Gage

Two of the cutest little boys in the whole wide world!

Sunday Morning Rituals: Bells, Brunch & Boys

If you ask Jack to guess where we are going he will most likely chirp one of three answers - to the Digger Cafe, on an adventure, or to a neighboring village we frequent. We started going to this nearby village for breakfast on weekends back in the Fall. The allure it holds for Jack and Ian is the bell tower that dings, the many cobblestone streets to peruse, and a nearby playground. The allure it holds for us is that it reminds us a little of Bavaria, the people are friendly like in Bavaria, the food at the cafe is excellent and it's closeby but still feels liking getting away. It's the perfect breakfast/walkabout experience. We loved sitting outside but it's too cold now and it is rather cozy inside. We went today at dusk when we had cabin fever and enjoyed a cup of hot chocolate with the locals. It was packed out with pleasant folk. Jack flirted with a little red-headed toddler while all of the old ladies flirted with Ian. Good times.

Cold days, staying warm inside

This little fork lift was one of Jack's favorite Christmas presents:)

A Book to Love

Thought I would share Jack's current favorite, The Complete Book of Farmyard Tales. We do a lot of reading to the boys and Jack has many he enjoys. However, this is the one he will pick 9 times out of 10. We love the illustrations by Stephen Cartwright which are simple and charming. I don't know if Usborne books are prevalent in the States or not. I picked mine up at the British book party here. One of the mothers told me it had been her daughter Mia's favorite for years. Mia had just been downstairs talking about her wobbly tooth. I could see her peeping through the stairs and not in bed as I talked to her Mother. Sometimes things like this will make me buy something. I'm an easy sell. The whole cute-wobbly (instead of loose)-tooth scene and Mia's sweet face made me believe Jack would love it. And indeed he does:)

We also enjoy some of the other Cartwright illustrated books like First Hundred Words in German and Sam Sheep Can't Sleep. Lots of fun ones. Jack also likes some of the educational Usborne books mostly about trucks and diggers. Those sort of bore me but I delight in seeing Jack's riveted, little face. This is one of the best parts of being a parent - watching them fall in love with reading.

our life with small people

The Mission: To stay sane and have a pleasant day off as a family.

The Challenge: Our quiet, firstborn has just raised his talking voice to a level that makes the ears begin to hear a high pitched static noise giving the old nerves a jolt.

Ian is a screamer.

It's a grayish day and cold.

The Dream: To cozy up on the couch with Erik, blankets, books and real coffee all day.

The Reality:
Gritting my teeth through breakfast.
Taking a hot shower to melt my shattered nerves at the beginning of naps.
Running errands during naps.
Thinking about real coffee.
Looking for real coffee while I am out but not finding any.
Thinking about books but boys are awake when I come home.
Eating a delicious lunch together that's nice except for the part where Ian makes deranged expressions while squishing up his food and throwing it on the floor.

Saving Last Chapter: Erik suggests shopping and dinner at Ikea.

You know what's at Ikea? Real coffee. Yes! Ikea is the absolute safest, toddler-proof restaurant we can go to in Germany. Our kids like it there (even the boring kitchen section), it's fast, it's loud enough so that our children blend in, the boys are cool with shopping as long as we stop at the slides and they have my addictive beverage friend.

I realized how far I'd slipped into the Mama-Toddler world, thinking of condiment analogies linked to our personalities while we ate. Erik almost always eats things completely plain without any condiments, sort of like how he is...spare, minimalistic and not prone to drama. While over here we have Michelle pouring on everything imaginable sort of like her personality...excessive, animated and melodramatic. Oh dear. I'm having those deep thoughts again.

I most always get the organic meal choice, a drink, a dessert and coffee. When I took my first swig of the coffee I felt as if someone had poured the elixir of life down my throat. A couple sips in and I felt my vision pop as my pupils dilated and the weary me? inside woke up. Drugs. I will continue with the decaf regime. This was a treat.

The Highlight: Getting three new packages of train parts to go with our other ones. It made leaving more bearable since I think Jack and Ian would be fine with living there. Personally, I really wouldn't mind living in one of the model rooms.

The End: Boys Down. Blessed Quiet. Pajama Comfort. Very Awake!

Take the Caffeine Quiz and see how much you know. This one is much better than the first one I posted - Thanks Jessica!

In Rehab

This is super quick because I'm trying to stick to just a few things I say I'm going to do. I'm coming down. Down from the copious amounts of coffee I've been drinking for too long. I love coffee, every bit of it, from the caffeine to the ritual and so on. I send a little thank you straight up to Jesus - Amen! - every morning for that first sip. But I think I started drinking insane amounts about six months ago. I used to be able to get away with pulling all-nighters and drinking coffee like water. Those days are over and I cannot delude myself any longer. My husband brings me my coffee every morning and sets it on my bedside table. Bless that man! However, if you need to drink your coffee so you can get out of bed it's time to lower the intake. And get to bed earlier. So it's a switch to decaf until I can get my natural energy back. Did you see Lord of the Rings? I think this is coming to mind because we watched it over the holidays - I feel like Theoden before Gandalf cures him. This is the longest it has ever taken me to get over a caffeine addiction - yes, we've been here before - but I want my real energy back. So its off to bed so I don't want it as badly as I wanted it this morning and almost fold. Once I look like Ian up there I can have the good stuff again. Just a little bit:)

Maybe I can't wake up to real coffee but I still have my Clementimes (as Jack puts it).

We Beat Ya

For the majority of those I know - We are already in this new year my friends. So Happy New Year! We are heading to bed and thinking of you as we drift toward sleep. So strange isn't it? When you guys are breaking in the new year we'll be getting up for a new day soon after. Who knows, maybe our firework-crazy neighbors will still be at it. I'll tell them to send one up for you:) Love to you all!

long, lazy, winter-day play

An indication that I need to keep working on being more laid back and on my worrying?

This is how Jack started singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Carefully, carefully, carefully, carefully,
Life is but a dream.

Sometimes my children are the mirror I get a glimpse into to see what kind of a parent I look like.

Toddler Train - Papa driving.

Shopping for German Playmobil with Hans?

In front of our warmly lit house where I wished to be at the time:)

Morning crow-watching with Papa

Spätes Frohes Weihnachten!

My favorite line in We Three Kings when Jack sings it...

"O star of wonder, star of night,
star with woyal booty bright."

Christmas Circus

This was a very small-town circus which was nice. It made me think about how it takes more and more to entertain people these days. This little circus may not have impressed some but the children seemed to love it. Jack was very excited about the acrobats spinning. He's all about any sort of spinning, be it carousel, windmill or small girl attached to a rope. Ian, our animal lover, was mesmerized by the horses and elephant. We also saw a new side of Ian emerge. Whenever the music came on he would do a little shimmy with his shoulders and his eyes were glued to the dancers. While I was not a big fan of extremely loud booty music at an eastern European circus, Ian was in constant movement-approval. The elephant made Erik and I sad. That was the only drawback. We decided to take our children to Cirque De Soleil when they are a little older and most likely won't attend ones that use animals anymore. The elephant was not created to be treated like a dog and wear a chain around his head. It was nice to get out and see our children in awe of new things though. Also, every time I go out with toddlers I'm grateful to be home again:)

Long Holiday in a Little Village

We get the nice, drawn out holiday here with the Weihnachtsmarkt starting as early as the end of November. Then because we're so far away our packages are coming in the mail slowly so we're still opening presents every day. I prefer this not only because it extends Christmas but also my children's age only allows them to truly enjoy a few gifts at a time. An abundance is overwhelming for them. Another lovely thing is that my husband has many days off with us. Today we'll be going to a little circus (Weihnachtscircus) in a neighboring village. I'll put up pictures tonight if all goes as planned. My sister Amy and I have resolved to try and put one entry up a day. Living so far away I appreciate seeing my families entries and I know they miss out on us when I don't post. I get bogged down by pictures but I'm going to try even if only a few photos go up at a time. And now it's time to get back to our snowy furlough. Erik just walked in the door with schnecke from the bakery! Until I get my Christmas pictures up how would you like to see a little of last Christmas? Talk about procrastination. I remember that I kept wanting to add just a little more so it never got finished. Story of my life:)

Current Conditions

Time: 12:30 my time - 6:30am yours

State of Mind: Childlike Happiness

Little Things: A fat, little bird at the feeder that reminds me of Ian

Musik: Prokofiev: Peter and the Wolf (compliments of my Grandpa & Grandma)

House: toys strewn and boys napping

Me in the House: Sitting on the couch, watching out the window and eating hot pretzels.

Current Conditions: Our village's first snow this season!

Some favorite past snows...

*The Famous Chattanooga Ice Storm (end of the 90's) when I was living with my Uncle Bill and Aunt Susan and cousins Stephanie and Stephen. Now they know to have fun and cook!

*Getting snowed in up at Covenant and having classes canceled for days when Amy was going to college there and playing like children with our friends - students and non-student strays, we all happened to be up there at the perfect time:)

*The Winter I spent at the camp when my family lived at The Vineyard. So many good things about that one - having my Grandma come in my room (I lived with them) the morning of the first snow and say,Can you hear it? I sat up, my vision only finding sky and branches. What? I asked. She smiled at my braids and sleepy face and answered, The silence. I stood up on my bed, we both looked out and all our world was covered in snow. - the students from Columbia who had never seen snow, sledding by moonlight on bunk bed mattresses, and playing with my three youngest sisters in all of the white glory.

*Colorado Springs - Erik and I in our first loft apartment, like a cozy nest in the trees, and waking up to the snow that made our room glow blue with enchantment.

A Boy After Papa's Own Heart

Reading good things at a very young age seems to have had quite the effect. Tonight while polishing off a gingerbread man and working on his Lego crane in his high chair Jack asked, "Can Papa read some T.S.Eliot?"

Hansel & Pretzel

Though he can say Gretel, when he pairs her with the brother it becomes, "Hansel and Pretzel!" I love that. This is a little gingerbread house from a local bakery. I have so many kinds I want to make on my own but my boys are still a bit young so I might wait on the more complicated ideas. We might stick to the Ikea kit I picked up. That may be ambitious enough for this baking-challenged lass.

A Mood for Snow

Feeling a little homesick tonight. Making calls to brothers and sisters. So happy they are out there. Went to our last Christmas Market tonight. It was cold but nice. So cold but no snow yet. Came back and warmed up, had some mulled wine and watched the boys consume pasta and paint themselves with it. Two little orange boys in the tub and to bed watching the Christmas lights twinkle in the darkness. Ian humming our bedtime song. Jack snuggling with Papa and his giraffe. I wrote a long one on the markets with lots of pictures for tomorrow. Now it is time for tired Mamas in Germany to hit the hay. Goodnight to you all.

A quickie of one of my favorite stalls at the Weihnachtsmarkt. I love the wooden, marching marionette animals. I got Jack and Ian the moose. Shh, don't tell:)

Last Minute Gifts?

Don't feel like merging with the mad rush? I refuse to. After a disaster day in Ikea a couple weeks ago with my kids I'm buying from my home, the Christmas markets and spending my precious time with my boys.

If I have to order something this late in the game I usually cut out a picture of or draw the present. Then its nice to get some little thing to go with it even if its baked cookies so the person has something slightly tangible. When my siblings and I were young - before we were old enough to get jobs - we would all get my Mom one nice present with whatever money we had. Then we would hide her present and draw a map and she had to find it. I'm not so sure she thought this was exciting but we did and it also prolonged the one present:)

Something that has become really important to me is supporting independent artists. Next year my hope is to give only handmade gifts that are made by myself and others. One of the best places to find wonderful things is on Etsy. They also have an option to shop locally so you're able to get your gift and don't have to wait to have it shipped. Here are a few things that I love out there...

*Gift Cards - First and foremost I support the artists in my family. Kelly has some lovely gift cards this year. They are unique for giving or for framing to go in your children's room.

* Sake Set - not a bad price for beautiful pottery

Block Party Press - fun! fun! love the colors - love the tree pendant especially

Winter Turban Hats! - is the Gypsy one me or what?

Just one more Bag! - Most girls cannot have enough bags. I'm one of them, and there are a lot of unique ones around Etsy.

Oompa - And lastly this isn't from Etsy but it's one of my favorite places that sell European toys. There have been many times that I've found things cheaper here than in Germany. My favorite thing that I've bought here so far is the French Kitchen by WH Swiss Toys. It's a great little wooden kitchen that comes with a bunch of wooden food and cooking accessories. There are a lot of wooden kitchens out there but this is a really low priced and unique one. Plus shipping is free.

P.S. If you're a mobile junkie like I am there are some delightful ones at Oompa. This one here is made by Selecta - German masters of the mobile design. We have other toys made by Selecta but the mobiles are a bit pricey for me. So if you think that's a bit much I'd go for Haba:)

amous

I've admired you your whole life. Ever since, I'm sure, I sat on you when you were a baby. We had a fabulous childhood together despite some turbulence. I was thinking tonight of our adventures as I watched Jack and Ian talking to stuffed animals. I remember how we used to sit on our swings and discuss conversations we had had with our-size birds and other animals in an imaginary world. We erected more forts than I can count - one of the best being the one Great-Grandpa cut for us in the hedge in Oregon. Jump ahead some years and we're pretending to drive the Volvo - plotting our excursions - because neither of us had our license yet. Jump ahead a bit farther and we're on a road trip. I don't remember where we are going but we've conjured up families for ourselves and we're discussing our made-up husbands and children. Just a bit farther and we're in the coffee shop discussing guys. Heavy conversations I'm sure - my side way too much melodrama of course. And when my mind races through our life like this I'm almost shocked to come to the today with these real families we now have. We get to go back and do it all again with our children. How utterly fabulous! Here's a toast to you lovely. You are my oldest friend. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing you. Germany is not quite real without my old friend. I think this journey here will be a little more deeply cemented and tangible when you cross the ocean in two months. I'll be the one wearing a green scarf and two boys. I'll be the one waving. Seeing you here will be like one of the characters in our picture books jumping off the page and sitting next to me on the couch. I can't wait to see you. Happy Birthday Amy.

Quick Christmas Brainstorm

From the Frankfurt Weihnachtsmarkt last night - more on the markets soon

This is for those who wanted ideas for gifts for the boys:) Sorry it took so long!

*A flashlight for Jack - one that is relatively easy to handle and turn off (Erik suggested LED because they last longer but any are fine).

*Jan Brett's Christmas Treasury (can be found at places as mainstream as Target) and if not the treasury, any of the winter books - we especially like The Mitten, The Hat and Annie and the Wild Animals.

*Wire Beads for Ian - any type like this.

*Any Melissa and Doug wooden puzzles or other wooden puzzles.

*Ornaments - handmade, sentimental, thrifted, vintage etc. :)

*A snow globe

*A ball - small enough to hold in a toddler's hand but not so small they can eat it.

*A Bell - How do I explain this? Bells are one of Jack's obsessions. I think it started with listening to the bells in the cathedrals here. Any type of bell, small or large, Jack loves them all.

*A Windmill - Another one of Jack's loves. I was thinking of maybe one that goes with little wooden train sets since we have a simple one from Ikea. But I don't really know what is out there. If you see any miniature, inexpensive windmills he would really like that.

*Sergei Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf: Fully-Orchestrated and Narrated CD

*And Books - our favorite!

*We love European toys, especially German-made, but we are in Germany. So, I'm just trying to keep it simple. We also love, love, love handmade things from Etsy!

Sweet Times

Nana and the Moppet

Three weeks of special time with my Grandparents came to a close this morning.

Back over the ocean.

The bedroom still whispers your footsteps across the hall.

I have no one to make pretzels for.

You will be missed.

Atypical Turkey with the Quirky

In the Garten Store where there aren't just plants - oh no! - there's rabbits, fish, tiny brooms, books, lotsa glass stuff (yikes, here i am wondering if Jack is going to do one of his sudden sprints through the breakables), Italian plastic animals, toy trucks & diggers, lizards, birds, craft stuff (though I cannot find eye balls), gnomes, and SO much more. We love this place. Best of all they have a car for Jack & Ian to ride in at the exit - one euro buys you ten minutes of groovin' fun:)

I am so hopelessly behind but here I am. If I don't start somewhere we'll never get to Bavaria or last Christmas. Oh I know you want to see last Christmas! Did I ever mention how in my head I am? Anyway, I'm not too regretful about the silence lately because I'm enjoying the slow life here. I am putting my energies into my boys who are so divine. Life is not fast here. There is time to read and read and walk to the bakery and bury our heads in croissants and crunch through leaves and watch trains. I have never been more happy in my whole life than I am right now. I love Europe but it has very little to do with that - so it will be the deep-rooted joy that goes home with me when we fly over the ocean. I like going slow. I like having time to be flexible and pliable and let our afternoons unwind in the loveliness of peeling clementines on the floor together while we watch the sky that speaks of snow.

My Grandpa and Grandma are here. They flew a long long way to be with us a second time. This means so much to me. They are such dear friends. They are generous, kind and patient with our little world of toddlers.

At the "Digger Cafe" where we can get excellent food and front row seats to see diggers, cranes, dump trucks and much more.

He will eat his and then he will reach for yours:)

And so lastly, I have never been a big fan of Thanksgiving. Frankly the traditional food never really did much for me and that always seemed to be what it was all about. People gorging themselves - fitting as much as they could on their plate and then going back for more - and then falling asleep under the turkey drug. It always kind of grossed me out. Then everything changed when a dear friend died on Thanksgiving. We knew it was coming even though many of us remained under the childlike belief that this couldn't really be happening. We spent Thanksgiving day together celebrating her life and then we got the call. The call you get from the hospital when they tell you that you better come quick. It seemed so right that she should leave on Thanksgiving. Only a small part of me knew that then when I was still so deep in shock and had a little boy to think of. She left on Thanksgiving. We were so thankful for her. What a beautiful life. The most alive person I have ever known. She was closer to the truth than any of us and I got to be a part of that.

So I always think of her on Thanksgiving and I remember everything I learned from her. And I remember the silly things like blue paint foot prints in the kitchen and all the nights she came home bursting with colorful stories that made me laugh. She would get us both a glass of wine and tell me some mortifying story that involved her priest turned funny. I have never known anyone like her. I think now about the rituals I would like to start with my children. That through our gratefulness perhaps we can find a way to give back on this day - do something for someone else instead of eating pumpkin pie till we explode. And sometimes it will be alright to sit with family and be grateful for everything we have including whoever cooked the large meal - probably not me:) This Thanksgiving I'm really happy to have some of our family to share it with. I'm not too keen on a portion of our day together going to washing all those dishes from a traditional meal - so we won't be having one. But hey, how many people can say they ate in a castle on Thanksgiving?

our little moppet

Pigpen

A Mess of a Girl

Hard to catch up when I've written to you so many times in my head but nothing here. I am learning - learning very slowly - how to juggle and balance the things in my life. Hoping to post many things like the adventures we had while my family was here. I got bogged down by the amount of pictures but I'm looking forward to going through them and remembering. Things change weekly for us it seems - I'm due for a mass email. If you have not heard from me I'm hoping to get caught up on some emailing this week and I'm sorry I've taken so long. I love writing to people but the past two years I've been awful at keeping up. It stinks too because that is an outlet for me and when I finally sit down to do it it's therapeutic.

The boys are growing up and so lovely. Jack is communicating so much and I love the little person in him that I am getting to know every day.

Ian is racing around everywhere - a sweet chunk of craziness. He's not walking yet but he's going to be bigger than Jack soon. He's such a funny little guy.

I like waking up to things like Jack shouting, "Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum! Once Doce Trece Catorce Quince Acht Neun Zehn!" I love his take on the world when I'm running the blender and he says, "Mama's shaving the milk!" because it sounds like Erik's razor. I love that R is W. Erik teaches him the word shrubbery outside and later on Jack says, "I wememba shwu-buh-wee." My favorite is when he blends different songs together and makes his own variation. The best was when he sang Jesus Loves Me with "just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" smoothly inserted into the middle.

I will one day miss how Ian curls into a baby ball on my shoulder as if he's a small guy but he's huge. He is so animated and full of expression. It's wonderful to see them begin playing together and making each other laugh.

When we leave here I think one of the things I will miss the most is being able to walk to everything and seeing everyone else out walking too. It's so nice to start the week out walking to the bakery and then to get fresh flowers. I'm starting to include Jack in my cooking disasters and it's really nice for both of us. We are going to make Jamaican Breakfast Soup this week so he can watch/help me get the coconut milk out and scrape out the coconut etc. Fun, fun! Yesterday we walked to the thrift store and scored a Rody horse with the rocking base included, some cute clothes, shoes and books. One of the books I have fallen in love with is called Mein Esel Benjamin. Since I can't read most of it I make my own story up.

There is nothing and there is so much to say. Mostly the saying is better in the being - I wish you could be here today.

Temperature: cold

State of Mind: Excited

Goal: Errands and to sit on the patio of a cafe that faces a current lot under construction and let the boys watch the diggers they so love

Listening: Pistol Packin' Mama from the Mairzy Doats 44 Wacky Hits CD my Grandparents made for me

Luxury: Coffee, Silence and The Mitford Sisters by Mary S. Lovell

Recently Watched: God Grew Tired of Us (heard about from Linda) - I highly recommend it

Going: to make make avocado and fresh tomato on tortilla before the boys wake up

Let the Festivals Begin!

I love this time of year in Germany.

boys will be boys - checking out the mice

the owl drew a crowd wherever he went

A fitting end to a napless day

From your eldest with Love

Dear Dad,

Thank you for sharing your birthday with me. Isn't it amazing that your first child was born on your birthday? I wish I could be there to tell you how much you mean to me in person. Becoming a parent has been such a humbling and eye-opening experience. I understand things now that I couldn't before. I can thank you today with a much fuller appreciation. Thank you Dad for raising me with your kindness, love and great humor. I think I got my ability to laugh and find humor in the most awful or humiliating circumstances from you. No matter what was happening you could always make us laugh about it. I hope this next year brings you peace, contentment and restful joy. I have been thinking about many lovely memories of you today - going for Banana slurpees when we lived in Miami, the way your truck always smelled like Juicy Fruit, going to our first movie to see Cinderella in the theater and how you made fun of the step-sister's noses, you cooking for us and talking late into the night, and so many more. One of the main things that stands out in all my memories is that no matter what you were doing or what was going on you always welcomed my company and made me feel wanted. I know that when I call you from far away your voice will welcome me home. As all of you gather together at Katie's to celebrate your life know that I am celebrating it here in Germany. I love you Dad!

Spoon-Fed Lounge Monkeys

In Ian's hand: Siku Tram

Beware of Nurse Jan!

She's kind of rough and might bop you on the head to get you going:)