Belly Dancer's Nightcap

Avoiding the Inevitable

From Yesterday

The whereabouts of the sun are the least of my worries. But my worries - they get put away so this Mama doesn't start feeling the anxiety. Why do moves stress me out so badly? So I look for coffee tables online and I rabbit trail all over and soon enough I'm picking out a nifty cooking apron even though I don't cook much. In my moments of productiveness I actually look for a house, an apartment, a condo...something. Then I get overwhelmed because there is so much and not many or any pictures of these places to live. Beyond the bad news the day was good for this cabin fever bunch. First we checked out the snow - played Pete the Pirate - we jumped on the bed and wrestled - after that we built a fort between the cribs - dressed wooden bears - the boys played together for 40 minutes chasing each other and laughing through the fort (the longest they've ever played together consecutively)...then Erik came home and I received the unwelcome news. We are leaving sooner than I thought and I'm not ready to leave. Don't get me wrong I want to see you guys but I hate to be rushed. Things keep changing but to make a long story short I just thought we would have more time - Ugh! Now it's hitting me - the stress, the wondering about the culture shock and thinking about camping in whatever place we find to live for up to 3 months while we wait for our stuff. Actually that's not a big deal, its just that all this is now becoming a reality and I'm holding onto this place that has become home to us by my fingernails. There is SO much to do and so little can be done with sweet but demanding toddlers. I need my Mom:( She's so good at organizing things and making things happen. Lord help us because I'm the Mom here.

I know Jack's upper attire is a tragedy - it's called, "Mama needs to do laundry."

After Erik and I talked and I started to feel that crushing weight I headed out to the happy grocery store. It makes me feel clean just to walk through those shiny organic aisles. Jack and I - we took our time. We walked around through this nasty weather with his big duck head umbrella from his sweet Grandma. We went to the Digger Cafe after shopping and Jack flirted a free giant sugar covered ball and Gummi bears out of the woman waiting on us. I got coffee and instead of heading home to cook dinner we went and sat by the window. I sat and stared and tried to think and process and wanted someone to bounce my reflections off of. I said to Jack something like, "Soon we won't live here anymore...we're going to fly home to the United States and we'll live in a new house." Jack turned to me, his eyelashes coated in sugar, and mumbled through the wad of donut in his mouth, "I think Jack needs another tweat." Not exactly the conversation I'd been wishing for, but it was good to sit and wander a little. When we arrived home Ian met Jack and I at the door visibly shaking. Erik told me it was because he missed me and wanted to be held but I knew better. I had a bakery bag in my hand and Ian can recognize any of these bags from various bakeries within a 50 mile radius.

Can you tell Ian's making car noises? And check out the drool - I think we're getting more teeth:)

From Today

Amen! The sun was in town:) We went to the Garten store today and we looked at fish, rabbits and birds for a long time. We also played with the new spring, sand vehicles and looked at twisty hoses for Mom. We bought wooden egg cups in the craft section to paint. Do they have wooden egg cups in craft stores in the States? I haven't been in one in a million years - I just remember the bags of eye balls I like. You can never have enough eye balls - Thanks again Kate:) After the ride in the electric car at check-out we hit the Digger Cafe. We got schnecke and we sat and watched the giant cranes lift thingys. It was waffle night and once again I've had too much coffee. Did I mention we're mixing decaf and regular now? Anyway, the movers come in one week and I feel like my head is going to fly off and go spinning down the block. Or maybe I just wish it would and then I wouldn't have to wade through my muddy thoughts. I've been trying to make a list of everything we need to do, pack etc and I can't finish it. I'm frozen. We have to have the bulk of all the big stuff ready that will go on the ship - then the stuff that will be flown over that we need more immediately (but it can't be much) and then our baggage that will go with us. I'm a horror at packing. It's not something anyone should have to witness. Pray for me. I'm not a worker-ant and I get overwhelmed by huge amounts of stuff everywhere. I'm the ant they find in the basement that escaped from the line and is sitting reading and eating part of a pastry crumb the other guys carried in. I'm doomed!

We all have our own lives and I miss everyone so much but the reality is that we have our own life we've established here. I sort of feel like I'm going to be floating on a block of ice in the middle of a cold sea keeping a lookout for home. Much as I love you all we don't have a home with you. We have to find and establish that all over again. Maybe things will go more smoothly than I'm thinking...I hope so. You'll have to be patient with me. I'm not used to being around a lot of people. We've pretty much only had acquaintances here. I'm used to being alone with my kids a lot. I'm really excited about rejoining community but I have a feeling that it will be overwhelming at first. Who knows? I've had coffee. And when I have coffee I talk a lot. I talk a lot about things that you think but don't say. You don't say them because they are really dull. So before this goes on too long I'll leave you with something pleasant...

Things I Checked Out Instead Of Packing

1* I recently received these adorable bookplates in the mail from Shelley at Oiseaux. I've been browsing more I want and it's hard to decide. You should stop by her shop! It's a book lover's delight:)

2* My sister Kelly photographed their time down at Seaside and did a lovely job of helping lure me away from Germany. I have so many wonderful memories of staying down there. I miss the beach!

3* Post Cards From Yo Mama - This was a gem...

Morning,

If you have some time today, please research whether the Lippizaner stallions appeared in the movie, Sound of Music. Dad swears he remembers them escaping from the Germans, or signing Do-Re-Mi, or something. Please let me know.

Love, Mom

4* Vintage Kid's Books My Kid Loves

5* I know I'm no cook but I want the accoutrements - Sssweet!

6* Looking for more out-of-print Dandelion Library books (noticing a theme here?) - I remember these from my childhood and loved them. They are hardbacks with a story on one side and then you flip it over and there is another story on the other side. I found these three on Bookmooch and they were in great shape:)

7* And lastly, Journey Mama says it best about moving today:)

Posted by M. of the Gypsies at March 28, 2008 12:48 AM | TrackBack