July 31, 2004
Here In Nichols World...
...they live in a big, old house they're remodeling and it's in St.Elmo - a tight, community-focused neighborhood with lots of kids to play with and friends who run over to help when they see you got your car stuck in the mud
...there is still quite a bit of work to be done but it's a warm and happy place
...Ezra will show you around
...I hold Marlow on my lap
...mahogany-haired Aunt Kelly comes for a visit
...Amy dreams of more sleep
...you have room to be yourself
...you can suck your thumb if you want to - Asa likes to hum and compose music while he does
...Marlow's big brother snuggles up with her
...the backyard is a really cool jungle
...they draw with their Uncle Jonathan
...I like the color of the kitchen walls and huge antique sink
...Mar trys to move her neck at just a little over two weeks
...we like to jump on the beds
...their Dad always makes time to play
...this is one of my favorite features on the gable
...his niece talks Jonathan into a nap
...we play make believe
...Marlow yawns a lot
...and dreams
...stays awake a wee bit more each day
...and we don't mind that she steals the show
Infant Digs The Postal Service
We think it's because Kelly was here for three weeks and played it a lot after she was born. The other night when we played The Postal Service Marlow would smile. And no, it's not gas.
Marlow sings along
Makes you want to dance
Oh yeah, break it down baby
Ahhhhh
July 30, 2004
Oh Lawd, I'm On My Way
I’ve flown a lot in the last few years – I flew to the Castle Ball to be my husband’s date when we were just friends but I was hopelessly in love with him, I flew to see him when we received the hard news that he would be deployed to Iraq, almost two months later when their deployment was delayed I flew out to marry him, nearly a year later I would be flying in to meet him coming home and then hand in hand we would finally fly together to get our things from home. The point is, those are just a few examples of the latest flights and despite looking as about as threatening as a dandelion and being an army wife for half of them I always seem to get picked for the “random,” in depth, security check.
This last flight made it Number Seven consecutively that I’ve been pulled aside and given the special pat down. The first two made me kinda sore at the whole business of things. I won’t go into the nitty gritty cause I can really get going on it but one of those times I made the mistake of wearing a skirt. When I was told to stand with my feet apart they actually ran the bar up my skirt in front of dozens of rubberneckers making their way through the easy line. One of my own personal versions of hell is being publicly humiliated and my privacy invaded.
Yeah buddy, I look like a terrorist. Go to town, tear my bag to pieces, I don’t mind a bit.
I usually look like I’m about ready to cry when they lead me through the torture. Maybe because I am. I appear devastated when they take everything out of my bags, as if they just torched my house and pet or something. With most things I can retain my sense of humor but I don’t do well with things that seem terribly unjust. This past Sunday when my husband drove me to the Denver airport (one of the worst – Security Nazis!) I decided that I would have a sense of humor for once if I was picked.
Sure enough when I went through the line the gypsy terrorist was shuffled into the special section. My husband always says good-bye to me at the gate and then he goes to wait behind a wall of glass overlooking the escalator that will carry me down at the end. When I saw him after my check I pointed to my head and mouthed, “There’s a mark on me.” Then we smiled and I blew him a kiss.
A few minutes later I called him as I boarded my plane.
“The seven-foot transvestite who patted me down thanks you for your service to this country.”
And I wasn’t kidding. He/She was the nicest one yet and was careful not to mess up my bags. I could feel my mouth sort of hanging open like a little kid as this very manly man with lots of make up talked to me in a fake female voice.
When we took off I experienced my usual inward anxiety episode. Now don’t get me wrong, I love flying. It’s just the take off, landing and sometimes, turbulence I have trouble with. I start sweating, hold my breath and pray as the paranoid voice starts screaming in my ear. “YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW UP!”…and so I begin ”Dear Jesus, please keep us all safe and don’t let us blow up or crash and be dismembered and if we do blow up cause it’s our time please save me and bring me to heaven not hell and I’m sorry for being me and please forgive me and you remember I don’t have any pain tolerance Oh thank you Jesus thank you.”
I was seated between a guy who read the entire time like me and a Chinese man who looked somewhat dazed. The little Chinese man’s son sat in a seat across from him and you could tell he was at that age when everything is mortally embarrassing. He was able to speak English but his Dad could not and clearly had never flown. It was refreshing to sit next to someone who was so excited and not in the least bit self-conscious. It was a good flight despite being in the center. Not only is the center suffocating and all elbows but you’re stuck there with no corner to turn away from your seat buddy when you need to.
The worst center deal I ever had was the elderly “lipstick lady” who didn’t bring a single thing to do on a five hour flight. How many times can you look at Sky Magazine? I can’t even look once. She busied herself by looking around and sighing and squirming for half the flight, while the other half was spent applying and reapplying her lipstick. Maybe the pretzels weren’t enough too because she would slap on a good amount of red goop and then lick her lips. That stuff doesn’t taste good either. I know, I ate a chunk out of one when I was little. Besides the lip fetish she also needed to spritz herself with some perfume every few minutes. It’s bad when you can taste it. I don’t care what manners you weren’t raised with, everybody knows you don’t go squirting smelly stuff in that close of quarters.
The Chinese man and I ordered salads off the menu after he asked me about the prices with gestures. His son leaned forward and looked like he was going to die. As I helped him put his tray down his son slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes. I drank my 7-up and pretended it was a martini. I settled back in my seat with my book and that martini and it was good. I’ve never had one but I think my pretend one would be better than the real thing. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve matured past my sisters who can play jewelry shop in just a pair of underwear and a string of pearls and act like they’re at work in a Channel suit.
I hope not.
July 28, 2004
Love Walked In
So there's this thing called Mountain Strike where your husband has to go away into the woods to train and you can't see him for days and days. You can't go looking for him at night and camp out with the little, green army men.
I got this big idea that maybe I would go away too...maybe see my new niece and some family...not be alone in our apartment. I just finally learned to light the stove, I mean, I can barely work the kitchen for pete's sake. But more than that I can hardly stand to be without my best friend for one night. My sweet husband said to buy a ticket even though we just got back from vacation. That's the kind of friend he is....making me breakfast on my last morning and singing to me with Sinatra.
My idea got so big I thought that maybe I could see my new niece in Chattanooga...catch a ride with my Mom to North Carolina as she drove back from Florida...and help watch my little sisters while she flew to Chicago to be with Katie when she has her first baby...then find a way back to Chattanooga and fly home.
So now my husband is in the woods with little, green army men for a week and I'm gone for three. What was I thinking? I miss him like mad.
Not that I'm not grateful and happy to be here and have this rare time. I just know where my home is now after all these years and I feel it calling me.
Images of the Home I've Come to Know
Summer like a fever here in our loft apartment - windows and doors all open, jazz floating out, fans creating wind, the air is drunk on incense and the heat makes things surreal…
We walk around wearing little, me most often in a sarong…the natives in their tree house and I find myself getting used to it. Before I left it started raining and didn't stop. The cold came in and we bundled up with books and each other listening to the rain on the skylight.
So to my husband deep in the woods...
away from all phones and my arms wrapped around you...
"You're my sky of blue
There's a lovelight shining
Just because of you."
-Ira Gershwin
July 21, 2004
Be Who You Is
Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind.
-Dr. Suess
"I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen."
"Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart."
-My So Called Life
July 19, 2004
Birthdays in Heaven
“I carry you heart…in my heart.”
e. e. cummings
Today is Tisho’s birthday, she would have been 41. She is one of the most courageous women I have ever known. I was proud to be her nanny, blessed to be her friend and her presence in my life has changed me forever. I say a prayer today for her nine year old son Alex who has lost the most in her leaving early and misses her more than any of us who loved her. She went to heaven when he was five and we used to tie messages to balloons and send them to her on days like this. He was young enough to believe that they made it to her but I did also. I thank God for her today and that she is truly home.
“Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star…”
e.e. cummings
July 18, 2004
July 16, 2004
Bambina
Early this morning Kell called from Chattanooga to tell me that our first niece was born. Amy started having contractions yesterday after going to see her midwife and at 4:38 a.m. Marlow Jane was born with thick, dark, curly hair. I don't have any pictures yet but when I thought Amy was going to have a girl I imagined her looking like Amy when she was little with her small features and dark ringlet hair. I was listening to Marlow's very proud four year old brother tell me about it on the phone and he asked me when I was coming. I told him that hopefully it would be soon but that I was a bit sad I couldn't be there now. In a little, sympathetic voice he said, "Yeah, I know."
Soon, soon...
July 14, 2004
July 13, 2004
The Last Leg
Leesburg, Indiana
Where the streets are still paved with bricks and the downtown is only a few steps away
Love the puff tree
We came here to see Erik's Grandpa - a sharp, witty man with a kind heart. It was good to talk, and sit together not talking, share a B&K root beer with one another (the best root beer I've ever had in my life...they had it on tap), spend 4th of July morning and lunch with him - but my favorite time with Grandpa was when he prayed over the meal. I'll be honest I get a little antsy waiting for the food but when Grandpa was praying I forgot we were there to eat. He prayed the most beautiful, sincere prayers that gave me the feeling that Jesus was sitting right there at the table with us.
Grandma went to heaven this past January and Grandpa said that after 64 years the world was a different place without her. I could see the loneliness in his soul but could only imagine how it really felt. I was comforted to see how close he is to God and that because of that there is peace and joy for the smallest things each day.
Grandma Clara
Libertyville, Illinois
It was a short drive after a day and a half with Grandpa to where Ryan and my sister Katie live in Illinois. Katie made us a wonderful dinner and then the two of us girls went alone to see the small town fireworks we still enjoy like children.
Libertyville is actually where Ryan and Katie are moving to. I know they would appreciate your prayers since the move takes place this coming Wednesday and they have a lot on their plate right now. It's a nice area with a cute downtown and a lovely, older house they're moving into.
Walking through Chicago, Illinois
Rode the train into Chicago and went exploring
We spent most of the day in The Art Institute Of Chicago and still didn't see all of it. Among my favorites were Chagall, Rossetti (love the Pre-Raphaelites), Max Klinger, Antonio Mancini, Alberto Pasini and a massive, ancient Buddha head with large drooping eyes and magnificent curling brows.
I have a love for fire escapes
We walked but we also took time to sit still in the city and just watch it move. One of my best memories will be sitting in from the rain with coffee watching all of the people around us.
Kate Entering the Ninth Month
I realized later that I was so focused on Kate's beautiful stomach that I kept chopping off part of her head. Sorry KT...
Soon we will have a new nephew
Back From Holiday Just In Time...
...to go to the Greek Festival and eat lamb gyro, spanakipita and Greek donuts (they look like large donut holes with cinnamon and nuts on top and honey to dip them in). Then we took our Greek Kafes over to see the dancing which was great - adults, children and at times drunk, white outsiders. The best dancer was a gloriously rotund man who was able to whip his large body into graceful submission. When he launched himself into the air, doing a split and touching his toe my jaw fell open.
...to eat granola in our kitchen once again
...to find out Erik's 77 Chevy was murdered while we were gone (a hit & run while it was innocently parked)
...to sleep in our own bed and sleep deeply
...to sit inside like homeboddies with the rain outside listening to Prairie Home Companion, getting back to our books and watching movies
Far Away, So Close
I can still feel myself in that moment of time with my sister Katie as we laughed on her bed trying to get her baby to move in her stomach…
I can see my littlest sisters from the porch far off along the dirt road picking blackberries as if they were gold, their bikes laying in the road where they dropped them and their laughter and conversation drifting back to me in the blue dusk. Soon they are running back across the freshly cut pastures, blackberries held like secret treasures in their shirts. I watch as the juice soaks in, spreading like a purple sea and then up at their faces – shining, oblivious to the stains and asking, “You want one? Try one, just one…they’re so good.” They surround me and the longing for them is that ache that belongs only to three blonde fairies living in the woods where there on no street lights and the fireflies illuminate the sweet, pure darkness.
I hear my Grandma with her legs like a dancer, singing to us. I hear her history in that voice and imagine her dancing down at Tanglewood where Louis Armstrong was playing one night. We sit on the porch and she sings Summertime in her rich, bluesy voice…
So far but near I hear her voice, one of the many calling me home when I’ve been away too long.
July 01, 2004
North Carolina Series
Blue-Eyed Soul
Lazy Summer Days
My little sisters made me wish I was eight again and running around like a rabid chipmunk. I did my best to keep up.
Marley looks for fishing worms
My tractor cowboy
Erik upgrades the next day and mows nearly all 30 acres
Corn shucking for the evening's patio fiesta
Marley with Tarzan
Mom out checking Keith's wine grapes
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Fishing Trip
Grandpa and Grandma ride down the hill to the family fishing hole so they can serenade us
Kell
We almost miss Kelly as she comes in the last night we're here. She was up in Raleigh with our sister Jamie who spontaneously hacked her hair and did a marvelous job.
Ring of Fire
Can you tell that a sparkler burned Mar's eye last year?
